気の向くままに

小池塾で続けてる5文の英作文
なんとか作文し続けてきた中で一番の大作（？）を選んでみた
大作すぎて2回分10文でストーリー完結になってる

各原文の下に先生の
-添削文 が併記されている

今回はそこに覚書を加えることでさらにちゃんと復習しながら
なんとか作文力がつけばいいなぁと願っての試みだよ（＾＾）

When I got on the crowded train at Shinjuku station, a sleeping man suddenly opened his eyes and jumped out the train.
-When I got on the crowded train at Shinjuku Station, a sleeping man suddenly opened his eyes and jumped out of the train.
一瞬どこが間違ってるのか・・今もまたちょっとさがしてしまった（＾＾；
of が抜けてたんですねぇ・・
こういうミスってつい、いいぢゃーんそりくりゃーい
とか思っちゃうからなかなか直らないのかもしれん

Then as I taking over his seat feeling lucky, I found a cellular phone was left on the seat.
-ok
いただきましたっ！貴重なok!!!＼(^o^)／＼(^o^)／＼(^o^)／
ちなみにこの文章を録音するときにはcellularの発音でluをちゃんと言うのに苦労しました

I grasped the phone and left my carrying bag behind and rushed to the door in no time.
-I grabbed the phone and left my carrying bag behind and rushed to the door in no time.
つかむgrabが思い出せなくて、なんとなく似てるし意味も近かったような・・と使ったgrasp
改めて確認して携帯を把握じゃないだろうと1人ﾂｯｺﾐ

At that time the bell started to rang and I knew I didn't have time to catch up with him to go outside of the train, still I could find the man just about going down the steps of the platform.
-At that time the bell started to ring and I knew I didn't have time to go outside of the train to catch up with him, still I was able to find the man just about to go down the steps of the platform.
ちゃんと動詞はみんな過去形で揃えて！と思ったらtoの後のringまで過去にしてしまったのと
追いつく・外に行くの順番で書きながら、なんかｺｺ変！と思ったけどやっぱり変だったか・・と添削見て反省
couldがbe able toに添削されてるのは、なんでわざわざ？と思って先生に確認したよ
この場合、couldだと仮定の意味に取られかねないのでbe able toを使うほうがいいとのこと！　
ﾝにゃあるほろぉ～


Then I called out laud and could get his attention among many passengers.
-Then I called out loud and was able to get his attention among many people.
loudのスペルミス・・orz
could > be able to は上に同じ
passengers > people は・・passengerはかりじゃなくて駅員さんとかもいるからかな？

I showed him that I had his phone and tried to handed out to him but it was a little too far and no time to get closer.
-I showed him that I had his phone and tried to hand it out to him but it was a little too far and there was no time to get closer.
handed outとhand it out・・耳で聞くぶんにはあってるんだけどなぁ・・ってﾑﾘか
時間と空間は同じ主語ぢゃﾀﾞﾒなんですねぇ

While I could not decide whether I should through the phone to him in spite of the possible danger of breaking it by dropping, I noticed a train conductor standing just outside of the door making announcement that the door was closing.
-While I could not decide whether I should throw the phone to him in spite of the possible danger of breaking it by it dropping, I noticed a train conductor standing just outside of the door making an announcement that the door was closing.
throughとthrow、自分ではホントにthrowのつもりでthrowの発音しながらthroughとタイプしてたよor2
breaking it by it droppingで追加されたitは・・・ちょっとよくわからない
今度先生に聞いてみよう

When I looked at the conductor, he already knew what I wanted and hold out his hands to me while he kept on announcing.
-When I looked at the conductor, he already knew what I wanted and held out his hands to me while he kept on announcing.
hold-held-held！って学生時代に覚えたよねぇ　でも出てこなかったよ（遠い目）

So I handed the phone to the conductor as the door was actually closing and looked the man again to make sure he watched what was going on and received the phone from the conductor.
-So I handed the phone to the conductor as the door was actually closing and looked at the man again to make sure he watched what was going on and received the phone from the conductor.
looked > looked at ここでは最初、gave him a appealing look みたいな「目で訴える」的な文を考えてて忘れたんだと思う

After the train started to move, I felt relieved and happy founding that people standing in the train watched the happening and left the seat reserved for me.
-After the train started to move, I felt relieved and happy finding that people standing in the train watched what happened and left the seat reserved for me.
ingは原型にくっつくんだっけね　忘れてたよ　
foundingぢゃなくてfindingだ
確かにstoodingとはいわんもんね
what happenedにしたのは・・その方が自然だから？かな



ﾜｰｲ＼(^o^)／できた～☆







ありがとうございます