i made today sad

i made today sad. the absolute loneliness has been active in my mom. she already lost parentS. her hometown is far to often visit. her friends are spread all over. and she, only is here under this group, a family. there was the topic on the table, about the dialect. i hope i'm more good at the dialect, i said. but didn't you learn it during the elementary school days, my aunt pointed. i don't know, i didn't talk with so many there maybe, i answered. your way of speaking standard language would have had made kids keep away, my dad said. then what should i do, what did i have to do, my mom fall flat on her face. and she left the room. and i don't know what to say to her. surely i agree that sharing the same dialect makes it easy to people unite. also i must agree speaking standard language here makes me look something like stranger, a geeky stranger. that's what i have felt. and that i still am not good at making friends. though the reason lays on my own character, not the image of myself that my way of speaking cast on other. this's what i want to believe. i have loved reading alone, thinking alone, having had grown up, nothing has changed. i hold big bomb of lonesome in my body and heart, and what a f--king moron i am, i didn't notice that my mom does so, too. having stayed strange place with the unrelated-by-bloods for almost 30 years, she still cannot (or does not?) speak the dialect. it may make her loneliness stiffer. or her way of speaking, her language is her precious identity? anyway, she had taught me the right and straight words. though i'm so thankful for her education, i, as one of the mixed-languages, what can i do for her?