小人

（ハイ、おしまい）

由緒ある大金持ちのフィンケルスタイン爺さんは16歳の少女と結婚するが、性的に機能できない。絶望の余り、かかりつけの医者に診てもらいに行くと、医者は彼に大量のホルモン注射をする。「いいですか」と医者、「立たせたいときはいつも“ビー”と言ってください。そして寝かせるには“ビービー”と言うんですよ」「大したもんじゃのう！」とフィンク。「ええ、しかしご忠告しておきますが」と続ける医者、「これは死ぬまでに3回しか使えませんからね」

家に帰る途中、フィンク爺さんは一回だけ試してみようと決意。“ビー”っと言うと即座に勃起を見る。大喜びで“ビービー”と言うと、ソレはまた大人しくなるのだった。とその時、トヨタの小型車が彼の乗ったリムジーンを追い越して“ビー”とやり、対向車が“ビービー”っとやり返す。あと一回しかないと知って爺さん、運転手を急かす。爺さん、全速力で家に駆け込んで叫ぶ、「ハニー、何も聞かずに裸になってベッドに飛び込むんじゃ！」少女は言われた通りにし、フィンケルスタイン爺さんが急いで後に続く。ベッドに入ると、すかさず“ビー”っと彼。すると、寝返り打って若妻曰く、「その“ビービー”って、一体なーに」

Old man Finkelstein, the ancient millionaire, marries a sixteen-year-old girl but is unable to perform sexually. He is so desperate that he goes to see his doctor, who gives him a massive injection of hormones. "Now look," says the doctor, "every time you want an erection, you have to say `Beep.' And then to make it lie down, you have to say `Beep-beep.' " "How marvelous!" says Fink.　"Yes, but I must warn you," continues the doctor, "it is only going to work three times before you die."

On his way home, old Fink decides to try it out just once. "Beep," he says, and immediately he gets an erection. Thrilled, he says, "Beep-beep" and it lies down again. At that moment, a little Toyota overtakes his limousine and goes, "Beep" and the car in the opposite lane goes, "Beep-beep." Aware that he has only one time left, the old man tells his chauffeur to go faster. He runs into the house as fast as he can and shouts, "Honey, don't ask any questions. Just take off your clothes and jump into bed!" The girl does as she is told and old man Finkelstein hurries after her. Just as he climbs into bed, he says, "Beep." His young wife rolls over and says, "What is all this `Beep-beep'?"
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百ドルに囲まれて

ハービー・ハーシフィールドとポール・パールマンはエルサレムで小さな仕立屋を営んでいる。商売はサッパリで、あまりに景気が悪いので店を売ろうかと考えている。そんなある日、ハービーが新聞を持って飛び込んで来て、相棒のポールにイスラエル政府の広告を見せる。アラブ人の死体一体につき政府が100ドルの懸賞金を出すという。相棒二人は店をたたみ、キャンプ用具と銃を買い、いざ砂漠へと出発する。

誰にも会わぬまま砂漠での一週間が過ぎたある朝のこと、ハービーが目を覚ますと、鼻づらに銃口が突きつけられている。ゆっくりと振り返れば、何千人もの完全武装のアラブ兵達が彼らを完全に包囲している。ハービーは横でイビキをかいている相棒を小突く。「ポール」と囁く彼、「ポール、起きろ。オレ達、金持ちだ！」

（副題----ポジティブシンキン）笑

Harvey Herschfield and Paul Perlmann have a small tailor's shop in Jerusalem. Business is bad, so bad that they are thinking of selling the shop. One day, Harvey rushes in with a newspaper and shows his partner, Paul, an advertisement from the government of Israel. The government is offering to pay a reward of one hundred dollars for every dead Arab. The partners close their shop and buy camping equipment and guns and set off into the desert.

They have been there a week without meeting anyone, when one morning Harvey wakes up to find a gun sticking in his nose. Looking slowly around, he sees that they are completely surrounded by thousands of Arab soldiers, armed to the teeth. Harvey nudges his partner, snoring beside him. "Paul," he whispers, "Paul, wake up! We are rich!"